Lewis's story
By allen kitchen
all rights reserved.



	Lewis had brought out a pair of lawn chairs, and set them on 
the outside stairwell of his dormitory.  He was on the top flight of the 
metal stairs, a full 5 stories up, and there was no way to go any 
higher except by climbing onto the roof.  He was relaxing, sitting 
back in one of the chairs and looking out beyond the dorm's parking 
lot, feeling the hot wind in his vulpine fur as he put his black feet up 
on the guardrail.

	He saw desert, desert, and still more desert, broken 
occasionally by a small gnarled spine tree.  The tawny colored sands 
ran as far as his eyes could see, all the way to the horizon where it 
abruptly turned into clear blue sky.  Off to his left sat a great 
flightline, and dozens of orbital shuttles sitting on top of the concrete.  
His shuttles.  Or at least he considered them his when he was 
repairing them.

	But he was off duty now, and he wasn't going to worry about 
work.  Time enough to worry about duty another day.

	Hah!  Duty.  Just another word for entrapment, he thought.  
Honor and glory could be his in the service, the recruiters promised.  
Think of all the things he could do in the space fleet, they tempted.  
The recruiters were very excited about possibly getting someone 
with his technical talent.  The war was going badly, and people 
weren't rushing to sign on the dotted line anymore.  They were 
desperate, so they promised him, in writing (he had learned that 
much from his grandfather, at least), that he would be inside 
spacecraft routinely.

	He hesitated several days.  The recruiters called every 
morning, asking him to hurry up and come onboard.  They said his 
planet needed him.  That duty called.  Finally he signed up, and 
agreed to use his formidable skills in the military.

	He wasn't really interested in the war, or the reasons behind it.  
All he was trying to do was get a head start in his life.  Space was the 
future after all, and the silly war wouldn't last forever.  If he could 
get into orbit, and establish himself as a master spacebody engineer, 
why, then the future would be his.  He would get off-planet and 
make a name for himself, he figured.  The military was willing to 
help him do that in exchange for some time out of his life.

	So why the hell was he still stuck on the ground?
 
	Lewis sighed deeply.  The service promised him that he would 
work in shuttles.  They implied that he would go into space to do it, 
but they never actually put THAT down on paper.  He worked in 
shuttles all right, but on the planet's surface.  Not up in orbit like he 
had planned on.  He was stationed at Ryess base, smack dab at the 
crossroads of nothing and nowhere.  And there wasn't a damned 
thing he could do about it either.  Until his 4 year term of service 
ended, he was stuck here in the desert.  A solitary red fox, all alone 
in the sand.

	He reached over to the folding chair beside him, picked up the 
winebottle sitting there, and poured himself a small glass of red 
wine.  As he did so, he saw through the metal grating of the staircase, 
all the way to the ground he so desperately wanted to get away 
from.  He loved heights.  Probably something to do with his vulpine 
ancestry, he thought.  He also loved his privacy.  Few people climbed 
the stairs, prefering instead to take the elevator inside.  So Lewis had 
this place all to himself, which was just how he liked it, thank you.  
He was lonely and depressed, and the last thing he wanted was a 
bunch of passers-by telling him to cheer up. 

	His large ears perked alertly as he heard the engines of a 
heavy transporter powering up.  The noise was coming from Test 
Cell, over a mile away.  He recognized the familiar sound of those 
particular engines.  That offkey whine was distinctive.  Those poor 
bastards in engine repair were still hard at work trying to get the 
"hanger queen" spaceworthy again.  Lewis shook his head and took a 
drink from his glass.  He was certainly glad he did not work in that 
group.  Those techs were killing themselves for nothing.  They could 
repair that thing for a full year, and still not have it fixed.  There was 
far too much damage.  

	Under peacetime conditions, the orbiter would be scrapped.  
But then again, under peacetime conditions it would not have been 
riddled by an enemy fighter's particle beam either.  

	There was a loud boom, and the shriek of engines rapidly 
powering down.  Uh huh, they missed another deuterium leak, he 
thought with a smirk.  Somewhere inside the reactor shroud, from 
the sound of it.  The shuttle was probably missing a few panels now.  
Lewis swiveled his ears forward once more, and ignored the noise of 
the emergency vehicles rushing to the stricken machine.  It would be 
some time before that shuttle would be safe to fly again, if ever.

	Yeah, right.  Like that mattered.  The orbiter would likely be 
back in the air next week, whether it was safe to fly or not.  Some 
midlevel officer somewhere would decide that too much time was 
being wasted repairing one machine, and order it grounded.  Then 
some other officer would scream that it was too valuable to leave on 
the ground, and order it spaceborne.  The ship would be launched, 
unrepaired, with a less than healthy chance of surviving the trip.  
Lewis wondered how many spacecraft were lost due to incompetent 
paperpushers as compared to enemy fire. 

	Well, that was the service for you, he decided.  

	Lewis took another gulp from his glass, draining the remaining 
red liquid all at once.  He really hated what his life had become.  It 
was an endless cycle of work/eat/sleep/ repeat.  It got old real fast.  
He missed his forest, and his home.  He missed rules that made 
rational sense, and feeling like he had something to contribute to 
society.  

	And most of all, he missed having other foxes to talk to.  Any 
fox.  It got very lonely here at times.  He didn't know why there 
were so few vulpines at Ryess... there just weren't.  He wasn't any 
kind of specist or anything.  But there was something special about 
being with one's own kind.  The only other fox on the base that he 
knew of was Lt. Varnoff.  A beautiful snow-white artic fox.  A vixen.  
Very shapely, and smart as a whip too.  She worked over at the 
command post.  

	But she was an officer.  He was enlisted.  Just thinking about a 
relationship with her was enough to land him in a court-martial.  So 
even if he could catch the eye of somebody so desirable, an iffy 
prospect to start with, they could never be close.  Not within the 
military anyway.  The service kinda frowned on officers and enlisted 
becoming too chummy.

	He closed his eyes, and felt the hot desert wind tickle his 
whiskers.  Damn the service, he acidly thought.  Bloody military 
never could do anything right.

	He heard the door to the dorm behind him slide open, the 
wheels scraping on the sand-encrusted tracks.  Oh great, he 
grumbled silently to himself.  Somebody saw him through the glass 
window, and decided that he looked lonely.  Just because there was a 
second chair next to him didn't mean he was hoping somebody would 
drop by and join him.  He was simply using it as a table.  Folding 
chairs were much easier to lug around than tables.

	"Whoever you are, I'm not feeling sociable today.  So buzz off." 
he grumbled without turning.

	"Well." he heard a soft female voice snicker.  "I have had 
friendlier greetings from the enemy.  Higher caliber too."

	Lewis jumped up out of his chair, turned around and tried to 
snap to attention as Lt. Varnoff closed the sliding door behind her.  It 
wasn't easy, snapping to attention while you were holding a 
wineglass.  Fortunately for him the glass was empty.  Else he would 
have ended up splashing it all over himself in his flurry to stand up.

	"Lt. Varnoff!" he quickly exclaimed.  "A thousand pardons 
maam!  My eyes were closed and my back was turned.  I didn't know 
it was you."

	She continued to smile.  "At ease Lewis." she told him as she 
moved over to the chair he was using as a table.  She then looked 
down, studying the winebottle sitting there in the seat.

	Lewis calmed himself a bit, but continued to stand and face 
her.  "Maam, is there anything I can do for you?" he asked 
respectfully.

	She bent over, and lifted the bottle from the chair.  "I said to 
relax, Lewis.  Sit back down.  Everybody deserves some time off.  You 
and I are not on duty, so drop the proper military crap.  I'm not 
going to bother you."

	Lewis waited a couple of seconds, then nodded as he sat back 
down in his chair again.  "Yes maam.  Whatever you say."

	Varnoff exmamined the lable on the bottle closely.  "Hmm." she 
murred.  "A good wine, and a very good year too.  Do you study 
wines Lewis?"

	Lewis shook his head, and looked away over the desert once 
more.  "No maam.  I just asked someone in the package store what 
was good to drink, and she recommended this."

	Varnoff took two steps and sat down in the other chair, still 
clutching the bottle.  "Well, it's a good choice, however you came to 
pick it." she said, settling in beside him.  "And call me Var, please.  I 
hate it when people call me 'maam' all the time.  Makes me think 
either I am grey before my time, or surrounded by bleating sheep."

	Lewis squirmed in his seat a bit, still not looking at her.  "I will 
call you Lt., if the word 'maam' bothers you.  But I would feel very 
uncomfortable calling you Var."

	"I make you feel uncomfortable?"

	"Frankly, all officers make me uncomfortable."

	She snickered again, a warm musical sound.  "Good.  They make 
me nervous too."  She then held out the bottle to fill his glass, and 
looked at him expectantly.  "I don't suppose you have another glass 
handy somewhere, do you?"

	Lewis, a bit surprised at the officer's friendly candor, reached 
down and picked up the second wineglass under his chair.  "I guess 
the military has rubbed off on me." he politely remarked.   "I never 
do anything anymore, without having some kind of backup 
someplace."

	He held out both glasses for her, and she began to pour the 
wine, filling first one glass then the other.  As she did so, he studied 
her face.  She wasn't much older than him, he noticed.  Her solid 
white fur was immaculately groomed, and the tips of her ears were 
tinted black with a yellow stripe.  Ear tinting was the latest style, and 
nearly everyone was getting it done.  He had even once considered 
getting it himself.  The service hadn't yet made up its mind about 
what it thought about the matter, but as long as the tint wasn't some 
godawful flourescent color, it was ignored.

	Currently, she wore knee-length khaki cutoffs and a black 
haltertop.  Lewis wondered how anyone could stand to wear black in 
this heat.  But there was so little material in her clothes that they 
were probably very cool to wear.  And they did expose a lot of her 
white fur.  Maybe more than she thought...  

	After she finished filling both glasses, she looked up at him.  
Their eyes met, only for a second or two.  He saw that her irises were 
the deepest blue.  10 mile blue, he liked to call it.  That was the color 
of the sky at 10 miles up.  Very dark, very intense.  It also just 
happened to be his favorite color.

	"Thank you." she sighed, taking her glass from him and relaxing 
into her chair.  "I really need this drink."

	Lewis turned and leaned back in his chair once more.  He 
stared out over the great empty space, the same emptiness she now 
studied.  

	"You are welcome Lt.  But why the long face?  Is work getting 
you down?"

	She shook her head sadly, and took a short sip from her glass.  
"No.  No, work is fine.  It's just... I don't know.  It is kind of hard to 
explain..."

	He turned to face her, and smiled.  "I'm a pretty good listener, 
you know.  A natural at it.  Comes from having such big ears."  He 
wiggled his large vulpine ears playfully to make his point.

	She didn't grin at his jest, and she did not look at him.  His 
smile faded as she sat there, unamused, staring into her glass.  

	"Sorry." he apologized.   "I guess you aren't in a joking mood."

	She took another sip.  "No.  I guess not."

	"I'm sorry.  I don't know what came over me."  

	She suddenly turned, and put her arms on the siderests of the 
chair.  She stared intensely at Lewis with her sharp blue eyes.  

	"Lewis, don't you ever miss it?"

	He had no idea what she was talking about.  "Miss what m...  
that is, Lt.?"

	"Don't you ever miss your life before the military?  I mean, 
don't you ever miss your school and your carefree youth?  Don't you 
miss having other foxes around you to talk with?  Doesn't any of that 
ever get to you?"

	Now it was Lewis's turn to sigh.  "Yeah.  I do miss a few things, 
I guess.  I miss seeing trees, rivers, and lakes.  I miss my old friends 
and my family.  I also miss being able to go out on a date, once and 
awhile.  It's not like there are a lot of prospects out here."

	Varnoff took a quick gulp of her wine, and stared at him 
intently.  "Believe me.  I understand what you mean.  But why don't 
you go and hang out with your buddies?  Don't you ever go to the 
'Drunken Raven' with the others?"

	Lewis shook his head.  "Not my style, Lt.  Never has been, 
never will be.  I'm no prude or anything.  I'm just not the type to go 
out and visit whorehouses, that's all."

	"Lots of your fellow warriors are."  She swirled the wine in her 
glass absentmindedly.  "You know the old saying...  'Eat, drink, and be 
merry!  For tomorrow, we may die!' "

	He snorted derisively.  "Well Lt., when they are all standing in 
line for their antibiotic shots, we will see how merry they are."

	She snickered at him, and nodded in agreement.  "Well, I'm no 
prude either.  But one thing puzzles me.  We have a number of things 
to do here on base.  I have long wondered why our personell don't 
take more advantage of our recreation facilities.  Why does everyone 
run offbase to have fun?"

	Lewis frowned.  The Lt. unknowingly just hit one of his buttons.  

	"And just which facilites are you talking about?" he said 
angrily.  "The bowling alley that closes too early?  Or the swimming 
pool which hasn't had a chlorine treatment in ages?  Perhaps you 
mean the movie theater that only shows 2 year old films?  Get real 
Lt.,  the facilities on this base are an absolute joke!  The only reason 
they exist is to give the spouses of base personell something to do 
throughout the day!"

	Varnoff raised her eyebrows as she looked at him.  "Heavens." 
she exclaimed.  "I sure triggered something in you."

	Lewis took a deep breath, and forced himself to calm down.  He 
noticed that his hand was trembling slightly.  "I'm sorry Lt.,  but that 
is a sore spot with me.  There isn't anything to do on this base.  
Nothing at all, except work and get drunk.  That or go out with the 
boys to the cathouses near the back gate.  And as I said, that doesn't 
interest me."

	"Do you ever miss female company Lewis?"

	He turned away from her to stare into the sand again, saying  
"I don't have time to miss female company, Lt."  He quickly took 
another large drink.

	She studied his face carefully.  "Well, you must be missing 
something in your life.  Otherwise, what are you doing out here, 
sitting all alone, getting drunk and staring across the desert?"

	He paused for a moment, then nodded.  He swirled the wine 
around in the glass in front of him, breathing in the stiff aroma 
through his nose.  "You may be right." he reluctantly admitted.  
"Perhaps I do miss some female companionship from time to time.  
But what I'm looking for in a lady, no house of ill repute could ever 
provide." 

	"And what is that Lewis?" she asked him, still studying him 
closely.  "Do you even know what it is that you want in a woman?"

	Lewis just sat there, silently watching the sands.  He did not 
answer her.

	The Lt. then turned around again, and frowned as she studied 
the desert too.  "Ah.  I thought so.  You're the romantic type.  You're 
searching for your one true great love, the perfect vixen to have and 
to cherish.  A noble pursuit..."  She then slowly put the glass in her 
lap, and stared down at it.  "...but a very lonely one."

	He took a gulp of his wine, and tried not to sound irritated at 
her constant probing.  "And what would you know about it Lt.?  
What makes you such an expert?"  

	"I'm an expert on the matter because I did the same thing for 
years." she said, staring down at her lap.  Her voice was low, and 
sounded very sad.  "I looked a long time, trying to find the perfect 
love.  A long time.  Lovers would come and go, but none of them ever 
measured up to my standards.  I was so hungup on finding 
somebody perfect, it never dawned on me that I wasn't quite perfect 
myself."

	He did not show any emotion as she confessed to him.  But 
secretly, he was curious.  He also wondered why she was telling him 
all this to begin with?  Why would any officer tell her deepest 
secrets to a grunt like him?  

	"And did you ever find him?  The perfect mate that is?"

	She shook her head slowly, still staring at her wineglass.  "No, 
of course not.  There is no such thing.  Oh, if only I had known that 
back in college.  Things would be different today if I had.  I threw 
away several chances for love, while trying to find someone perfect.  
And now, look where it has gotten me.  Look where I am today.  I'm 
stuck in the middle of nowhere with no foxes around me at all.  
Nobody but you."

	"Gee, thanks a lot Lt." he grumbled, still facing forward.  "You 
sure know how to make a guy feel important."

	She quickly looked back up at him, her face suddenly 
apologetic.  "Oh no Lewis!  That wasn't how I meant it at all!  I 
didn't... that is I... "

	He held up a paw to cut her off, momentarily forgetting her 
rank.  "It's okay, really.  I know you weren't trying to hurt my 
feelings.  So don't worry about it."  Then, remembering who she was, 
he sheepishly put his hand back down.

	She wasn't upset at his error, and her eyes were wide as she 
continued to stare at him.  "I still should apologize Lewis.  What I 
said was uncalled for."

	He turned to face her.  "You are an officer.  I am enlisted." he 
reminded her.  "You can say just about anything you want to me."  He 
then turned back around, and stared out over the desert once more.  
His expression was blank.

	She appeared stung, but said nothing.  She turned back to stare 
out at the desert herself.  They both sat there, unspeaking for several 
minutes as they studied the vast emptiness around them, 
occasionally sipping their wine.

	Finally she broke the silence.  "It isn't worth it you know."

	"Excuse me?"

	"Being an officer.  It just isn't worth it, Lewis.  I don't run the 
day to day show around here.  The NCOs do that.  But let one of them 
screw up, even the tiniest bit, and guess whose butt gets put in a 
sling?"

	Lewis nodded, knowing full well how the military loved finding 
scapegoats for other peoples stupid decisions.  "Yours, I imagine."

	Varnoff turned to face him again.  "Did you know I even get 
chewed out for the grass being brown in front of the command post?"

	He shook his head.  No, he didn't know that.  

	"Well, what does the brass expect?" he asked her.  "The annual 
rainfall here is close to a negative number.  Did you explain that we 
we're in the middle of a desert, and that they're lucky to have any 
grass at all?"

	She shook her head rapidly as she replied.  "No, the brass 
doesn't want to hear any excuses.  All they care about is results.  
They don't care how things get done, just so long as they get done.  
The regulations say that the command post must have green grass, 
period.  So, under orders, I gathered together a bunch of new recruits 
and 3 cases of green spraypaint..."

	Lewis whistled low, and turned to look at her again.  He 
appeared encredulous as he spoke.  "Oh, you've got to be kidding me.  
You painted the grass green?"

	"Yes.  Under the direct orders of the base commander, a couple 
of days ago."

	"Well, that explains what happened yesterday, at least."

	She raised an eyebrow at his remark.  "Why?  What happened 
yesterday?"

	Lewis tried to act nonchalant and lifted his glass to his lips.  "It 
was nothing Lt.  The lawn in front of the command post exploded 
yesterday when somebody started to mow it.  That's all"

	Varnoff shook her head in disbelief.  "Now why would anybody 
ever want to mow dead grass in the middle of a desert?"

	"Why would anybody ever want to paint it?"

	She let out an exhasperated huff as she flopped back again, 
facing forward once more.  "Damned idiots." she grumbled.  "Why 
can't they worry about more important things and forget about the 
stupid grass?  I guess I know what is on top of my IN basket now.  
Was anyone hurt in the accident?"

	"No Lt.  Nobody was hurt, thank goodness.  But the command 
post needs a new mower."

	She sighed.  "Like I said Lewis.  It just isn't worth it, being an 
officer.  I get chewed out for things I don't have any real control 
over, and I don't have anyone to talk to about it either.  I can't tell 
anybody how I feel, so I just keep it all bottled up inside.  You're 
quite lucky, you know.  You have your buddies here in the dorm to 
talk with.  I have no-one."

	She looked down at her lap again, very depressed.  "I live a 
very solitary life.  I don't have any social outlet at all.  Sometimes I 
wish that I was enlisted, just so I wouldn't be alone all the time.  I 
hear all of you laughing it up, late into the night, and secretly wish 
that I could join you.  But of course, I can't.  My damned officer bars 
prevent it..."

	Lewis paused for a moment, mulling over what she just said to 
him.  She sounded unhappy all right, and apparently with good 
reason.  He could relate to that feeling though, and decided to tell her 
so.  

	Taking a deep breath, Lewis said  "Well Lt., since we are baring 
our souls, I feel the same way you do.  My 'buddies', as you call 
them, are really only acquaintences.  We work together, but we don't 
hang out or anything.  You found me sitting out here all alone, right?  
Why do you think that is?  I don't fit in with the usual warrior 
crowd, that's why.  I don't get invited to the latenight poker games 
and pizza parties and such because I make them all nervous.  So to 
be honest Lt., I don't have much of a personal life either."

	Lt. Varnoff took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled again, 
letting the tension leave her body as she did so.  She then slowly 
leaned over, closer to Lewis's chair.  Quietly she spoke to him.  "You 
know, it doesn't have to be this way.  For either of us."

	Their eyes met again, and they stared at each other for what 
seemed an eternity.  He studied her deep blue eyes once more, and 
saw something there.  A hunger.  A smouldering desire for something 
too long denied.  

	"I don't follow you." he wuffed.

	She reached across the chairs, and gently put her right hand on 
his arm.  He did not jump at her touch, but it still surprised him.  He 
stared at her hand with wide open eyes as she softly continued.  
"Neither of us has to be so lonely Lewis.  You and I are the only foxes 
on this base.  I'm lonely, and so are you.  What is to prevent us from 
spending a little free time together?"

	Lewis tried to keep his face free from expression, but he 
couldn't help but look nervous.  She couldn't possibly be serious.  
"Your officer's bars come to mind..." he haltingly said, still staring at 
her furry white paw on his arm.

	She smiled at him, and continued to gently hold him.  "Oh come 
on...  I'm not in uniform right now, and neither are you.  You're not in 
my chain of command anyway, so technically, there is no violation of 
the rules.  I'm not suggesting anything immoral, you know.  Just 
dinner and a movie to start with."

	Lewis swallowed hard as he looked deeply into her dark blue 
eyes.  Yes, yes she was serious after all.  She did want him.  Need 
him.  He could see it in her face.  That hunger.  That longing for 
affection.  The deepseated yearning for love and acceptance.  He 
knew that haunting look in her eyes very well.  

	He saw it everytime he looked in the mirror.

	Lewis didn't know quite what to do though.  She was beautiful 
and intelligent.  She was everything he could ever want in a friend 
and potential lover.  Part of him wanted to grab her and kiss her 
square on the muzzle.  She was right about him.  He WAS lonely, 
dammit.  But lonely as he was, and as enticing as she was, he knew 
just how dangerous any sort of relationship with her would be.

	"I doubt your C.O. would agree with your viewpoint." he slowly 
said, looking down into his wineglass to break the eye contact with 
her.  "I know that mine wouldn't.  Besides Lt., it could never work.  
There's too much risk involved."

	"And what doesn't have risk Lewis?" she asked him, a sudden 
sense of urgency in her voice.  "Everything has a risk attached.  
There's a risk that the enemy could nuke this base any minute!  
There is a risk this stairway could collapse with us sitting on it.  So 
why are you worrying about the emblems on our collars?  Forget 
them.  Life is too short to live alone."

	"Life is too long to spend the rest of it in the stockade!" he 
nervously shot back at her, his drink now shaking in his hand.  "You 
know what happens to fraternizers Lt.  You've seen firsthand what 
the brass does with them when they're caught."

	Varnoff breathed in deeply, and leaned forward a bit for him 
to glance at her cleavage.  He did so, automatically.  He had to admit, 
she had a lot of it.

	She continued to smile at him, and said  "All the more reason 
not to get caught."

	"Just how much of that wine did you drink Lt.?" 

	Varnoff snickered at him.  "Not much.  This is me talking, not 
the wine, if that's what you're worried about."

	He clenched his teeth in frustration, and looked up at her again.  
"Lt. Varnoff, if the situation was different, I would be more than 
honored to take you out.  But that isn't how things really are, now 
are they?  Think about it logically for a minute.  You and I would 
have to sneak around like rats, hiding everything we say or do.  We 
couldn't just go out dating like normal folk do.  We would have to 
behave like we were commiting a crime, which we would be doing."

	She shook her head slowly, refusing to give in.  "I still don't see 
why it is wrong for two people to go out together.  What does the 
brass care what you or I do?"

	"I agree with you in principle." he pointed out.  "Really I do.  I 
never did understand why the officer corp. had to be kept so far 
apart from the enlisted.  But what you and I think doesn't matter.  
We aren't the ones who make up the rules.  All we can do is obey 
them, or suffer the consequences.  The brass won't tolerate enlisted 
people fraternizing with officers."  He started to turn away from her 
again...

	But Varnoff quickly took her hand off his arm and put it beside 
his face, keeping it next to hers.  She gently carressed his orange 
cheekfur, and whispered as she stared into his frightened eyes.  "I'd 
rather take that risk and get to know you better Lewis.  I feel like 
you are worth it.  I'll take a chance on you."

	He sighed deeply, now more depressed than ever.  "I'm 
touched.  And I really wish that I could, believe me.  It isn't every 
day a beautiful vixen like you is interested in me.  But the rules are 
very clear, and the risks are too great.  For both of us.  You may be 
willing to stake your future on me, but I'm not sure I want to gamble 
mine on you."

	She leaned even closer to him, putting her muzzle very close to 
his.  Her whiskers tickled the side of his nose.  It thrilled him, to be 
honest.  But he began to worry that her chair might turn over from 
the overbalance.

	"You have more to gain than to lose, you know." she whispered 
to him in her soft musical voice.  "So do I.  What's the worst they can 
do to us Lewis?  Stick us in the middle of a desert?  Hey, look around.  
They already have.  Besides, this desert isn't the only emptiness you 
and I face.  We both carry a vast wasteland inside our hearts, each 
and every day.  We can do something about that though Lewis.  We 
can help each other out.  We can each fill a void in the other person's 
life.  So why not take a chance on something better?  Why choose to 
be lonely, when you... we... can have so much more?"

	Lewis thought about it for several moments as she tenderly 
pressed her muzzle to his.  He could feel her soft fur next to his.  All 
he had to do was part his lips a bit and kiss her, just a little kiss, and 
she would be his.  And he desperately wanted to kiss her.  More than 
anything, he wanted to.  But he also knew what would happen to 
him, to her, if he did.  If he kissed her, he knew that he would never 
be able to tell her no again.  

	He had to be strong, for both of their sakes!

	He slowly, very slowly, pulled back away from her.  "I'm sorry 
Lt..." he quietly said to her.  "More sorry than you can possibly know.  
It is a very tempting offer, and if you had made it when I was 
feeling really blue, I might even have accepted.   But any 
relationship would place both of us in grave jeopardy, and you know 
it.  I am going to kick myself for a very long time, believe me, but I 
am going to have to decline.  I'm very sorry Lt..."

	Her expression fell as she finally realized that he wasn't going 
to give in, no matter what she did or said.  She appeared sadder than 
anyone Lewis had ever seen before.  A tear began to flow down her 
fuzzy white cheek as she slowly stood up again in front of him, and 
placed the winebottle and glass back in the now vacant chair.  

	"You can't be more sorry than I am, Lewis." she sniffed 
dejectedly.  "But I'm never without hope.  After all, it is the only 
comfort I have left.  I hope that you and I will someday try to make 
something of our lives.  I hope that maybe one day, our situation will 
change, and you and I can get to know each other a little better."

	He nodded slowly at her.  "I would like that."

	"As would I."  She then quickly leaned forward and kissed him 
on the cheek.  He felt her tear fall onto his shirt as she did so.  This 
was by far the hardest thing he had ever had to do.

	"Just something to look forward to." she quietly said, fighting 
back her tears.   "For both of us.  Hopefully, we won't have to wait 
forever before we share another one.  Or another drink."

	She then stood erect again, and sullenly turned toward the 
building, her white tail hanging low behind her.  Varnoff walked 
back toward the doorway to the dorm again.  Glancing over her 
shoulder once more, she sadly said.  "Well, I'll see you soon Lewis."

	He did not turn to watch her go.  He wasn't sure he would be 
strong enough to hold his resolve if he did.  If he saw her leave, he 
was afraid he might break down on the spot.  So he faced forward, 
looked into the desert and sadly replied, "I'll be here Lt.  Staring at 
the endless sand, same as always."

	"Yes, I know." she added, her voice trembling slightly with 
emotion.  "If it matters any, I'll be staring at the same desert you are.  
We can always share that, at least.  And maybe someday Lewis, you 
and I can cross it.  Together."

	He felt a tear coming to his eye.  "I hope so..." he quietly said to 
her without turning.

	There was another grating sound behind him as Lt. Varnoff 
opened the sliding door, then closed it behind her once more as she 
went back inside.  

	Lewis sat there for a couple of moments, thinking about what 
had just happened.  A vixen unlike any he had ever known before 
was enamored of him.  He would have loved to get to know her 
better.  If only the stupid military regulations weren't in the way.  
Was he that afraid of breaking the rules?  Was he so wimpy that he 
would turn her down just because of some scribbling on a piece of 
paper?  

	He stood up again, and leaned against the guardrail of the 
stairway.  In his mind, he knew that he did the right thing.  It could 
cost him his entire future, and hers, if they got caught having an 
affair.  Deep down however, in his heart, he was crying in pain.  She 
came to spare him from his loneliness.  And he sent her away.  The 
most wonderful creature ever to grace his pitiful existance, and he 
had sent her away.

	Lewis snarled angrily, and furiously threw his wineglass as far 
as he could toward the barren sands before him.  The glass sparkled 
and glinted in the hard sunlight as it arced through the sky.  He 
listened intently as the fragile thing shattered on impact, then 
grabbed his winebottle again.  He tossed his red head back, and let 
the remainder of the wine pour into his muzzle.  He guzzled it 
rapidly, determined to get as drunk as possible.

	Damned military, he silently cursed.  Never could do anything 
right!