He and She return from a date

he:  Welcome to my apartment darling.
she:  Nice place.  You have one of those big screen tvs I see.
he:  Mm hmm.  Can I fix you a drink?  
she:  Better yet.  You get a fire started, and show me where the 
liquor is and I will fix the drinks.
he: Deal!

20 minutes later, snuggly on the couch, a romantic fire is burning.

he: Comfy dear?
she: Oh yes.  But I think I drank that rum a little too fast.  It always 
loosens me up.
he:  Well then, if you are feeling like you want to do something, I 
have an idea.
she:  Tell me what's on your mind then.  I may be receptive.
he: You sure?
she:  I don't embarrass easily hon.  What do you want to do?
he:  What I have in mind involves you...
she:  Yes?
he:  and me...
she: Yes?
he:  and about 2 hours of mutual pleasure.
she:  Woo.  Sounds like fun.  
he: Well then, see if you would enjoy this...
she:  (gasps) What the hell do you call that?
he: (studys it) About 2 hours of enjoyment.
she: Well, it isn't the longest one I have seen, but I guess it will do.
he:  It isn't the length that matters, it is the performance that counts.
she:  Woo!
he:  Do you want to just go ahead and get started then?  Or would 
you prefer another drink first?
she: Oh go ahead and begin.  I will have to leave for work in the 
morning, so I can't stay out all night or drink any more.

moments later, still on the couch

he:  Are you comfy?
she:  Absolutely.  
he:   mmm good.
she:  Well?
he: Well what?
she:  Are you going to start or not?
he:  I have already started dear.
she:  Well, nothing is happening.  Are you sure it's in?
he:  Oh, it's in allright.  
she:  Well, nothing is happening.
he:  Okay then.  I will speed things up a bit.
she:  Well, at least something is happening now.
he:  Still not satisfied?
she:  No.
he:  I will just skip ahead a bit then.
she:  Woo!  There we go!
he:  Uh huh.  
she:  Wait a second.  Something still isn't right.
he:  What now?
she:  Well, It still doesn't seem very exciting.  Are you certain there 
is lots of action here?
he:  The serious action doesn't begin until later.
she:  I just expected something different than this I guess.
he:  I promise you that this is the same one I showed you earlier.
she:  Two hours of pleasure? I don't think so.
he:  Well, maybe it will get better with time.
she:  Honey, I am not enjoying this.
he:  Well I am!
she:  Honey, would you please pull it out?
he:  (grumbles) Okay.  Only for you, my dear.
she:  Thank you.
he:  I guess I can finish it some other time.  Well, what would you 
like to do instead?
she:  Do you have anything funny that you could put on?
he:  Funny?
she:  Yeah!  Put on something humourous, and lets try again.
he:  (rummages around) I think I may have something you would 
like.  Ever see anything like this before?
she:  (giggles)  No.  Where in the heck did you get that?
he:  Sears actually.
she:  (giggles) Sears sells that?
he:  Yep.  $19.95
she:  (giggles) Well, it is definitely different!
he:  Would this make you happy?
she:  (giggles) Yes, let's try that!
he:  Give me a moment to get it ready then...
she:  Uh uh.  You got to put it in last time.  Now it is my turn.
he:  Be careful there, that thing is fragile.
she:  Oh now, I take care of your things.  You should know that by 
now.
he:  Okay!  There we go.  You got it.
she:  (giggles) Oh this is so silly.
he:  You realize that this won't be 2 hours long now, don't you?
she:  (giggles) Time flys when you are having fun!
he:  (chuckles) Actually, you know this isn't half bad.
she:  (giggles) At least I am enjoying it with you this time.
he:  Oh!
she:  Oh!

30 minutes later...

he: Well, that's that.
she:  That was fun! Can you play any more?
he:  No, sorry.  It is getting late.
she:  (kisses him) It was wonderful.  I had fun tonight.
he:  Would you like to come back tomorrow night?
she:  I would like that.  You have some great equipment!
he:  Thanks.  Let me drive you home.

(The two fully clothed people get off the couch. He turns off the VCR, 
and takes the videotape out, placing  it next to the rental videotape 
she didn't like earlier.  He makes a mental note to himself that she 
prefers comedy films over action films.)

she:  You know, maybe tomorrow night we can watch a drama 
instead.
he:  I would like that.


[Of COURSE they were only watching a videotape!  What did you fan-
boys THINK they were doing?  Come on people, get your minds out of 
the gutter! ]