Plonq's Christmas Visitors.
Dec 21, 1998
By Allen Kitchen

	The starship Wolfsbane had finished reentry and was 
gliding planetward, using her Delta shaped body to generate 
lift as she descended into the cloudbank towards the 
unsuspecting city below.
	On the bridge, Novapelt sat in the command chair, her 
white Vulpine tail swishing excitedly to and fro behind her.  
She alternated her attention from the giant viewscreen in 
front, and the small panel to her right which showed her the 
ship's position and course.
	"How are we looking Aslaets?" she asked the wolf 
sitting at the helm controls.  
	Aslaets keep her eyes on her console, and her hands 
moving about the controls.  She did not turn around to look 
back at the vixen addressing her.
	"We're doing fine maam." She replied, still 
concentrating on her duties.  "We're on course, and we'll be 
landing in about 3 minutes."
	"Switch to contra-grav drive, and begin reducing 
velocity.  After all, it's Midnite Christmas eve here.  
Let's let the natives sleep, and not raise them from their 
beds with any sonic booms."
	"Aww.  You and the captain are no fun at all." Aslaets 
flatly remarked as she turned on the ships anti-gravity 
flight system and verified that all thrusters were working 
properly.
	The door in the back of the bridge slid open with a 
hiss, and in walked the captain.  Novapelt and Aslaets both 
turned around to look at him.
	The wolf was wearing a red Santa suit, and was carrying 
a burlap sack behind him.  The red and white outfit was 
loose, since he was about 150 pounds underweight for it.  
The red material and white trim were starkly contrasted by 
his jet-black fur.
	Aslaets turned back to her console again with a smirk.  
	"Then again, I've been wrong before." She said.
	Shockwave looked embarrassed as he turned to face 
Novapelt.
	"Are you sure this costume is absolutely necessary?" he 
pleaded.
	Novapelt nodded, and grinned at him.
	"Yes, it is.  You wanted to surprise your friend down 
below, and give him some nice gifts for Christmas.  Well, 
you have to dress up and act the part if you want to do it 
right."
	"I thought we were going to arrive when he was asleep."
	"He is asleep.  Scanners showed him nodding off about 
an hour ago."
	"So who's going to see me all dressed up like this?  
Can't I take it off?"
	Novapelt hopped out of the command chair in the center 
of the circular bridge, and walked back to the captain to 
put his hat on.
	"I'll see you." she chuckled.  "And so will Aslaets 
here.  Come on Shock; haven't you ever wanted to play 
Santa?"
	Shockwave pulled the hat back so the material wasn't in 
his eyes anymore.
	"Well, yeah.  But..."
	"No buts.  If you want to play Santa, then you need to 
do it right."
	Shockwave sighed resignedly at the vixen standing 
before him.
	"Incidently Nova, what's with your get up?"  he looked 
her over, up and down.  "A green bikini, floppy hat, and 
pointy shoes?"
	"Looks damned good against my white fur, doesn't it?" 
she chuckled, holding her arms out.
	"Well, some of us can run around in our fur without 
clothes." Aslaets commented.
	Novapelt looked over her shoulder at the greyfurred 
wolf. 
	"Well sugar, " she replied.  "Some of us don't have as 
thick a fur as you do to cover up their modesty."
	"A vixen?  Modest?"
	"Careful you.  Santa is watching."
	Shockwave chuckled and slung his bag over his shoulder.  
	"Okay Nova.  I get it now.  Santa is supposed to have 
an Elf helping him, is that right?"
	"Bingo.  I thought I'd go down to the surface with you.  
Are we close to landing Aslaets?" The latter she asked the 
helmsman.
	"Anytime you two like.  I can bring us down and hover 
in about a minute."
	Novapelt nodded, and looked her captain in the eye.
	"Well Shock?  Are you ready to go make a poor lonely 
leopard's Christmas just a bit more pleasant?"
	Shockwave nodded, turned and walked for the doorway 
leading off the bridge.
	"As ready as I'll ever be." He remarked.  "I just hope 
it is colder outside than it is on the bridge.  This coat is 
hot."
	
	A few moments later, the Wolfsbane was in a silent 
hover over Plonq's house.  The ship was easily 5 times as 
big as Plonq's home, and metallic to boot.  It floated in 
the air a mere ten feet above the snowcovered rooftop.  The 
metal reflected the lights from the streetlights as the ramp 
slowly lowered from the centerline of her body, down to the 
roof of the house below.
	As the ramp lowered, Shockwave and Novapelt stood 
waiting at the end.  Once the ramp got within a few feet of 
the surface, they both jumped down.
	Novapelt stood astradle the top of the roof, holding 
her place in the foot-deep snow with one paw on each side of 
the ridge.  Shockwave landed on the right side, and simply 
slid down the roof.
	"Whoa!" he cried out as he flailed about, sliding down 
the roof toward the edge.  Novapelt watched helplessly as 
the wolf slid toward, then over the eaves.  
	Shockwave landing with a crash in the shrubbery below.  
There was a crash, a painfilled cry, then nothing.
	Novapelt paused to listen for sounds.  She didn't hear 
anything, so after a few more seconds she walked down the 
trail he'd made through the snow.  She walked to the edge, 
dropped to all fours, and looked down on the scene below.
	Shockwave was standing in the snow, pulling branches 
and leaves from his red coat.  The material was torn and 
shredded in places with tatters of fabric hanging down from 
his sleeves.
	"Well." she remarked as she crossed her arms and leaned 
on the edge of the roof.  "You certainly know how to make an 
entrance.  Santa doesn't need to worry about you taking his 
job at least..."
	"I thought we were going to land Nova!" he cursed as he 
spit out some red berries.  
	"We did land."
	"We didn't land.  We roofed!"
	"I told Asleats to put us on the roof.  Santa always 
comes in through the chimney you know."
	He turned to scowl upwards at her.
	"Somebody could have told me first.  And if you think 
I'm shimmying down the chimney, you're nuts!"
	"Awww." She murred down at him, green eyes sparkling.  
"Don't ruin Christmas Shocky."
	"Don't ruin Christmas?" he cried.  "Nova, I just fell 
off a roof!"
	"Those bushes broke your fall at least."
	"These..." he said holding up a pointy leaf for her to 
see.  "Are holly bushes!"
	"So?"
	"Do you know what a holly leaf under your tail feels 
like?  It HURTS like... like a holly leaf under your tail!"
	She shrugged.
	"You complain too much.  You know that?"
	"When you have a piece of razor-sharp greenery stuck up 
YOUR ass, then you can tell me that I complain too much."  
He grumbled loudly as he pulled a twig out from his collar.
	Nova leaped off the rooftop, executed a perfect flip, 
and plopped into the snow behind him on her two feet.
	"There." She said smiling.  "That's how you're supposed 
to do it."
	"Showoff." He mumbled.  "Santa would never be able to 
do a stunt like that."
"Santa," she responded.   "Wouldn't fall from the roof in 
the first place."
"And just how is it you can wear such a skimpy outfit in all 
this snow anyway?  If not for my Santa suit, I'd be freezing 
my Bells off."
	She smiled, and started brushing off the dirt on the 
back of his coat.
	"Say it with me now Shocky;  Arctic.  Fox."
	"Oh.  Right." he replied, somewhat embarrassed.
	Suddenly from the roof, there came a loud grating 
sound.  A crushing, scraping noise unlike any Nova or Shock 
had ever heard.  Both of them looked up, puzzled as to the 
origin of the noise.
	That's when Shockwave noticed the ship turning!  He 
fumbled around in his pants pockets for a moment, then 
finally found his commlink to the ship.  He flipped it open, 
and hit the priority link button.
	"Asleats!" he shouted into the mike.  "Hold the 
Wolfsbane steady!  You are tearing up Plonq's roof with her 
landing ramp!"
	"Sorry Captain." Came the immediate reply.  "The winds 
are shifting, and I'm having trouble keeping her from moving 
around."  As if to make her point for her, the ship spun 
about briefly, and a shower of shingles and ground up lumber 
fell down from the roof and landed with a crash at Shock's 
feet.
	Shockwave stared at the pile.
	"Oh, I hope that stuff isn't what I think it is..." he 
mumbled.
	Novapelt picked up a black piece laying in the snow, 
and began to sing.
	"Shingle bells.  Shingle bells.  Shingle all the way."
	He looked at her severely.  "That isn't funny Nova."
	"Says you." she chuckled.
	"Look, can we get this over with before anything else 
goes wrong?" he urged.  "I'd like to leave him most of his 
house intact if that's possible."
	She flicked her tail in amusement, and turned to walk 
to the front door.
	"Oh come on now.  What more can go wrong?"
	"Famous last words Nova." He replied, trudging through 
the knee-high snow after her.   He wondered why the snow 
didn't even slow her down whereas he had to plod and stomp 
to get anywhere.  Finally he decided that being in one's own 
native element had certain advantages, and pushed the 
thought from his mind.
	A moment later, the pair was standing in front of 
Plonq's front door.  He reached out and tried the knob only 
to find the door...
	"Locked" he said.  "He locked his door."
	Novapelt nodded in agreement.  
	"Well, we can still get in.  But there's an easy way, 
and there's a hard way."
	Shockwave cast a worried a look at the vixen.
	"I shudder to ask, but what's the easy way?"
	"We can shoot the doorknob off with a plasma burst..."
	"Waking half the city in the process."  he exclaimed.  
"What's the hard way?"
	"Well, there's still the chimney."
	"You know, I have a better idea.  Why don't I walk 
around the house and come in through the backdoor?  It may 
be open."  With that, Shock turned about and trudged through 
the snow again.
	It took him several minutes to make his way around the 
house to the back door.  The snow was deeper on the northern 
face of the house than it was elsewhere.  He shivered in the 
cold, as the tears and gaping holes in his red suit were 
letting the chill in.  "This wasn't the way it was supposed 
to go." He said to himself.  "The next time I want to 
surprise somebody, I'll make sure they know I'm coming.  No 
more of this sneaking around stuff."
	He reached the back door, and discovered that it was 
locked as well.  He set his bag down with a groan, and 
stretched his back when the door suddenly clicked and 
opened.  He blinked, amazed to find Novapelt inside the 
house!
	"How did you get in there?" He asked incredulously.
	Novapelt held up a key in her right hand.  
	"You didn't look under the welcome mat." She explained.
	He made a quick mental note to kick himself later, and 
picked up his bag again.  He sighed with relief when he got 
inside the kitchen and Nova closed the door behind them.
	"Thank goodness Plonq keeps his house warm."
	Novapelt quickly put a finger over his muzzle, and 
whispered to him.
	"Would you keep it down?  You're gonna wake him."
	Shockwave erfed at his error, and nodded that he 
understood while Nova pulled her hand away.
	"I suppose we can't turn on the lights either." He 
muttered.  "I hope his Christmas Tree lights are on."
	They weren't.  And there was no fire in the fireplace 
either.  The room was pitch black as they entered; Novapelt 
first, and Shockwave second.
	"Nova?" he whispered as he very carefully stepped into 
the darkness.  "Nova, how are we supposed to find his tree 
in the dark?"
	"I don't know." 
	"How Santa does this without using NightGoggles I'll 
never know."	
	"Maybe he has a pair."
	There was a thump and a soft feminine curse in the 
dark.
	"You okay?" he asked.
	"Yeah.  I just stumbled over his recliner is all."
	"The quick white fox jumped over the lazy boy?" 
	"More like I kicked it with my foot." She answered. 
	Shockwave held his left hand in front of him, trying 
not to bump into anything in the dark.  He moved very 
carefully, slowly extending one foot out and tapping around 
before stepping forward.  The wolf stopped instantly when 
his left hand came to rest on something.
	"Nova, I've bumped into something."
	"What is it?" she asked.
	"I'm not certain." He replied, feeling the obstacle in 
front of him to determine what it was.
	"Well, is it warm?"
	"Yes."
	"Is it soft?"
	"Yes."
	"Is it about chest high?"
	"Yes."
	"Does it happen to feel like a vixen's breast?"
	"How would I know what... Oops!"  He pulled his hand away 
in a flash.  "Heh!  Sorry about that."  It was a good thing 
the room was so dark, he decided.  That way she couldn't see 
him blush.  Black fur or not, he was certain his face was 
crimson about now.
	"It's okay." She said wistfully.  "I never get what I 
want for Christmas anyhow.  I found the fireplace though.  
Reach out with your right hand."  Shockwave reached out to 
the right, and felt the bricks.  He moved his hand around 
until he found the mantle, and his stockings hanging there.
	He then set down his bag of goodies, and reached in 
with his right hand.  He made a disgusted sound as he pulled 
out a fresh, cold, dead, 4 pound trout from his sack.
	"Merry Christmas Plonq." He said with some revulsion as 
he slipped the slimy thing into Plonq's stocking.  "Hope it 
doesn't smell too bad in the morning.  Ugh, why can't the 
feline like peanut butter sandwiches instead?"
	"You are doing a very nice thing Shock." He heard 
Novapelt say to him across the darkness.
	"I will, once I find the Christmas tree."
	"I think we are standing right beside his tree Shock.  
It's just to your left."
	He turned to the left, took a step, and heard a crunch.  
He froze.
	"What was that?" Novapelt urgently asked.
	Shockwave let out a soft, choice expletive.
	"I think that was a present Nova.  I just put my foot 
through it."
	"You're supposed to deliver em Shock, not destroy em!"
	"I couldn't see it, okay?"  Shockwave shook his foot to 
try and dislodge it from his boot.
	The present started to play music!
	Loud music.  
	It sounded like something between an industrial band 
and Sousa being sucked into his own tuba.
	"Turn that damned thing off!" Nova hissed.  "You're 
gonna give us away!"
	Shockwave jumped and kicked backwards several times, 
trying to shake off the jambox jammed onto his boot.  But 
the present stuck fast, and the band played on.  Shock was 
just about to stomp it onto the ground to try and silence 
it, when he also tripped on the lazy boy.  But unlike Nova, 
he didn't fall across the footrest, he fell into the chair 
itself.
	Instantly there was a hellish feline scream as the wolf 
landed squarely on the cat that had been laying there 
watching them.  To the cat's feral cry and the music coming 
from the damaged present, Shockwave added his own scream of 
alarm as the cat's claws cut through the fabric of his coat 
like so many curtains.
	"Ow!  Ow!  Nova help!" 
	"What's with you Shock?!" she cried out.  "You're 
making enough noise to wake the whole city!"
	"Somebody get this cat off me!"
	"Mmrrooowwwrr!"
	"What the hell's going on out there?" Came a voice from 
outside the room.
	Shockwave reached into a scrap of material that was 
somehow still serving as a pocket, and pulled out a small 
metal disc.  He pressed the button in the middle, and threw 
it into the middle of the room.  A split second later, the 
flare ignited and bathed the room with white light.
	"Time to go Nova!" he cried, leaping out of the lazy 
boy. 
	Novapelt was already three steps ahead of him by the 
time he got out of the chair.  She raced out of the living 
room, and into the kitchen.  She opened the backdoor just in 
time for Shock to race through it.  His clothes were in 
tatters, his hat was missing, blood was streaking down his 
muzzle, and there was a cat gripping his back with all four 
sets of claws.
	"No wonder Santa needs a helper." She thought as she 
raced after him.  "This gig is dangerous!"  She ran into the 
snow behind him, listening as he called for Asleats to land 
on the street so they could board and get out of the area."
	
	Plonq noticed the light coming from the living room, 
and carefully came down the hallway clutching his bat.  He 
held it at the ready, and peeked into the room.  
	From the flare's light, he could see a bag in the 
middle of the room, half open.  Just sticking out, he could 
see an Automatic Fish Descaler, just like he'd always 
wanted.  He stepped into the room, and slipped backward on a 
puddle of melting snow left there on the tiled floor.  He 
landed in a heap at the entrance to the living room.
	He started to use his bat to help him stand again.  
When he realized that NERF wasn't very supportive, he tossed 
it aside.  Probably a good thing nobody was in here, he 
decided, realizing the bat's usefulness in a fight.  He 
staggered to the telephone sitting on the floor, and picked 
it up.  He had just started dialing when he noticed that 
water was dripping on him.
	Plonq looked up, and saw water beading on his ceiling 
in several places.  He stared at it in amazement for a 
moment, then resumed dialing.
	The phone rang for a couple of seconds before the other 
end picked up.  
	"Yes, hello police?  I want to report a home invasion.  
Yeah.  The guy just ransacked my house, tore a hole in my 
roof, stole one of my presents, then ran off with my cat.  
Yes, I know who he was.  He left his hat behind.  It was 
Santa Claus.  Yes, that Santa Claus.  Or Kris Kringle if 
he's using his alias.  You can stop laughing at anytime...  I 
AM being serious!  No, I haven't had a bit too much 
Christmas Cheer!  Look, can you just send a car around to..."


Merry Christmas, from the crew of the Wolfsbane to all of 
you this Holiday Season!