Settle down troops, settle down. I know that you are all excited to be here this morning. You at the coffee pot, fill your cups and sit your butts down. Yes, you. We are about to start the session. Corporal, is everyone present and accounted for? Good. Close the blast doors to the repair bay then if you please. What do you mean you don't know how? Well go ask someone. Get hold of the control booth and ask them to close the doors, there is too much noise outside for me to run a training session. Yes, I know how far the control booth is from here. Ever hear of a telephone son? Okay troops, while the corporal is getting the doors closed, let me welcome all of you to your first class in modern weapons. I am Lt. Non, and I will be leading the training sessions for the next few weeks. You are going to be exposed to and instructed on the proper and improper methods of utilizing these very advanced weapons. I expect all of you to remember which is which, and never use the improper methods, okay? First of all, I can tell from your expressions that you are all very impressed with the giant hulk of machinery behind me. This is the latest in Infantry assistance auto-slayers. It incorporates the latest in projectile railguns, lasers and rockets. In addition, it carries 500 scattershot rounds in its nose for anti-personell operations. Yes soldier, the thing is loaded. It just arrived from the front lines an hour ago, and I thought you people would like to see a real fighting machine. Also you will find in front of me a number of handweapons. And no son, they are not loaded. Here on my left is the Mk97 flechete launcher, capable of firing 6000 rocket propelled titanium flechetes per minute. Fired into a farm, it very quickly and effectively creates a tossed salad. Also here is a Random handpistol, a Staccato pulse rifle, a Duradead handgrenade, and a Homestead rubber duck capable of simultaneously killing 5 people. Relax soldier, the rubber duck has the safety on. Okay troops, time to familiarize yourselves with the weapons. You in the front row, stand up son. Good. Now, I want you to catch this launcher and get used to its weight. There. Would you two next to him please pick the soldier off the ground and get the launcher as well? What do you mean he is unconcious? Well if he had caught the Mk97 like I told him to... He normally wears glasses? Well, you two drag him off and have him outfitted for contact lenses. Dismissed. Okay, first lesson of the day. The Mk97 is heavy, and can cause harm if handled improperly. Ah, I see that the corporal got the doors closing. Okay troops, look alive, and get your chairs off the doors track. We don't want a lot of bent up chairs in the mess hall now do we? That's right, everyone get inside and stay out of the door's way. That thing weighs 80 tons, and wouldn't even dent if it smashed into you. What's that soldier? Well of course the auto-slayers head is moving around. It is operational after all. Relax son. It doesn't shoot unless it thinks it is trapped or under attack. Why does it keep looking at the door you say? How should I know, maybe it is expecting a pizza. Very well, if it would make you feel better. Okay people, we are now going to learn where the control panel for the SnufTech I8U auto-slayer is located and turn the unit off. If you will notice, the right leg of the I8U has an extra panel on the outer side. This is where the control panel is located. Umph. Sometimes after extended use the panels can stick closed. Standard practice then is to take your sidearm and smash the handle of the panel like so... Wow. That was a close call. I didn't even know the pistol was loaded. Okay people, that is another good lesson for all of you. Always assume your sidearm is loaded. It is also a good idea to make certain that the barrel is not pointed at you when you use it as a hammer. And always, always check to see if the safety is on. Hmm, looks like the bullet impacted on the I8Us sensor panel. Now notice how the auto-slayer lifts it's leg away and steps back so I can't reach it. This is a big feature for this model. It tries to keep the control panel out of possibly hostile hands. Of course, I am not hostile, so it won't bother me. I am however holding a handgun, which as you can see makes the unit seem to believe that I am hostile. Hear the growling sounds coming from the auto-slayer? Those are the weapons systems powering up. When you hear that growl, it means that it is time to rock-and-roll. Now let's examine the operation of the standard Random handgun. Here soldier, catch. Nice catch troop. Maybe I should talk to you about joining the units softball team. Stop shaking soldier, I turned the safety back on before I tossed it to you. The safety is that bent up metal tab on the back of the slide. What's that corporal? Well of course the I8U isn't focused on me anymore. I'm not holding a gun, am I? Soldier, you aren't scared of that pistol are you? What was that? What about the auto-slayer? Getting some target practice soldier? Good! I approve. Troops, this young man here is now demonstrating the proper stance used when firing the Random standard issue sidearm. Note that his feet are planted shoulder width apart, and that he leans into the shots. Hmm, take your time son. Make each shot count. He also seems to be trying to demonstrate the procedure for taking down an I8U auto- slayer with a simple hand pistol. As the young man is now discovering, there is no method of disabling an I8U auto-slayer with a simple hand pistol. He has also now discovered one of the problems using the Random handpistol: limited ammo supply. If you will look at the I8U, you will see that the bullets did not even scratch it. Now then, notice the high pitched whistle coming from the auto-slayer? That is the hypervelocity railgun charging up. Whoa, that railgun sure is loud when it fires, isn't it? Okay, settle down people. Class is only just getting started. Next on the agenda is the Mk97 launcher. Who has it again? Ah, there you are! Weren't you on the front row a minute ago? Anyway, the Mk97 is capable of taking down almost any armor, including the I8U here. But it has a kick like a mule. First, you kneel down on the ground. Yes, that's it. Then you press the arm button on the side there, the green light yes. Then you pull the weapon up to your shoulder and look through the viewfinder. Notice how the distance and actual impact point are displayed on the scope. Well of course it didn't fire. I told you at the beginning of class that it wasn't loaded. And now we can see how quickly the I8U can track and predict the path of its opponent. Running and dodging all over the place may fool other units son, but not this one. Oops, you dropped the Mk97 launcher. I guess I am going to have to put you on K.P. for awhile to teach you how to look after your weapons. Now people, see how quickly the auto-slayer retargets after firing the scattershot weapon? No creature can outmanuever it. My goodness. You all certainly seem to want to do your physical training early today. But this isn't the gym, so stop running around the place. And you! That wall isn't there for you to climb over. Next we move on to the Duradead hand grenade. Here son, catch. What do you mean, no? Soldier, disobeying a direct order carries rather stiff penalties. Well fine, I will just show it to you all then. It is very simple to operate. Just pull the pin, like this, and throw it. Like this soldier. Nice catch. I will need to talk to you about our softball team also. Oh stop snivelling, it isn't soldier-like. See, the grenade isn't real. It is just a dummy. It would appear that the I8U cannot distinguish between a real weapon and a fake one. Hmm, I didn't know that. Now the burning sensation all of you are feeling is from the ambient light of the lasers. Normally no-one fires a laser inside a building, because the scattered light is still strong enough to cause burns and blindness. If any of you were staring at the troop with the handgrenade, you won't be staring at anything for awhile. Where is he anyhow? Okay people, the air is starting to get stuffy in here. Let's all go outside for a smoke and then we will move along to the rubber duck. Corporal, will you open the doors please? Corporal? Where is he? No bother. The rockets on the I8U are capable of penetrating up to 18 feet of concrete, as we will now see.